The Fire Proof Chicken was born to middle class parents in Madison, WI sometime in the late 60′s.
The Fire Proof Chicken hates the thought of hamsters eating chicken.
The Fire Proof Chicken regrets passing up the chance to fly coach.
The Fire Proof Chicken once rented three turkey suits, and kept all but two.
The Fire Proof Chicken believes no man is an island; but some men are an isthmus.
The Fire Proof Chicken is the by-product of tyranical agricultural policies.
The Fire Proof Chicken eats, breathes, bathes, drinks bottled soda and weeps openly. Daily.
The Fire Proof Chicken fears mechanical lobsters.
The Fire Proof Chicken is Russian in Reno and French in Laredo.
The Fire Proof Chicken had better not catch you surfing the web at work.
The Fire Proof Chicken sleeps with his eyes open and his mind closed.
The Fire Proof Chicken has a heart made of ground curcumin.
The Fire Proof Chicken is happily married and rearing two velocaraptors.
The Fire Proof Chicken believes Patience is a virtue and an elderly grandma.
The Fire Proof Chicken underwent childhood surgery to become a ruminant.
The Fire Proof Chicken was kicked out of a non-conformist club for recruiting new members.
The Fire Proof Chicken props open his kitchen door with jars of Nutella.
The Fire Proof Chicken did not audition for American Idol.
The Fire Proof Chicken does not believe in the practice of cosmetology.
The Fire Proof Chicken trusts his emotions, not his insticts.
The Fire Proof Chicken crossed the road to get to a taco truck.
The Fire Proof Chicken crows at the sun and bays at the moon.
The Fire Proof Chicken always wastes and always wants.
The Fire Proof Chicken left it up to Beaver Cleaver.
